Please Be Gentle

I was rushing off for an evening class one day, as a nineteen year old in Colombo, Sri Lanka, when the sound of a loud crash reverberated around me. I stopped in my tracks, wide-eyed, heart pounding, As I moved a little closer to the scene of the accident, words wafted in the air, 'What a terrible sin he must have committed!' she said. What? What did she say? I was appalled! Wasn't it bad enough that the injured person had suffered a horrific crash – why is he now being blamed for it, as well?

Sadly, that's the perspective of Karma - the notion that if we do bad things, bad things happen will happen to us. If we do good, good will happen. But … is it only the wicked who suffer? Over the last two decades, as I've struggled with chronic illness, I've often been surprised that well-meaning Christians seem to unwittingly follow the law of Karma. Many assume that if healing hasn't arrived, it's because of sin or another lack on my part . But the truth is that healing is a mystery. Yes, sin does keep us from experiencing an abundant life. And yes, even in this day and age, God does perform amazing miracles of healing ! But it doesn't always occur within our timeline and remains a mystery. We cannot box God in, in the way He acts. Is the one who suffers responsible for his/her suffering?

I enjoy reading biographies of faith-filled men and women of God, who've performed godly feats for the kingdom of God over the ages. A common thread runs through their lives. People who serve God well, also suffer greatly. Suffering, St Paul informs us is part of our calling. My blog today is NOT a bid for sympathy. But … I'd like to draw attention to the scores of people in your world and mine, who suffer in an all sorts of ways. I'd like ask for more kindness to be shown to them. We human beings are good at making snap judgements and assumptions. Me too! But we are sometimes wrong. And without intending to – well-meaning people can add to one's suffering.

So what does a struggling individual need? Not platitudes or judgements that can hurt deeply but an attitude that seeks to understand and empathise with their pain. I remember a time when a friend asked me how my health was. When I said I was struggling and would appreciate prayer, his response was a little surprising. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt me, but what he said then was like a slap on my face! If he only knew! If he only knew how very very hard I've worked to get better! That I have leaned into God for 20 long years. That I have fought my illness every single day. That I often extend myself to do what I am called to do, although it means more suffering and pain. That I am proud of myself for not giving up and for persevering for so long!

Chronic illness is a daily struggle and an often lonely road, because so few understand its daily challenges. The question 'How are you?' is a tough question to answer because our feelings of wellness are often transient. But of course there are many other kinds of suffering! Grief is a sad, hard, long and lonely road and my heart goes out to those who grieve! Autism is a lifelong struggle and an arduous journey! So are many other types of disability. Sadly, the world is filled with suffering. PTSD. Addictions. Broken relationships. Mental health battles. And more!

Those who have helped me most are those who don't say a lot, but let me know they care. Those who listen rather than give advice. Those who pray for me. How grateful I am for my beloved – he's been exceptionally understanding, patient, loving and kind, though it can't be easy for him either. A simple sad emoji text in response to one of mine from him makes me feel heard. And is often all I need.

Here are a few ideas on how to bless those who suffer:

To be aware of:

1. Life often throws curveballs – but it doesn't mean it was a lack on someone's part that brought those
   curveballs
2. Most people are working very very hard to have a good life – no one but they would know how much and
    how long and how hard it has been
3. Many who struggle should be applauded for challenges they overcome. They deal with rough challenges
    on a daily basis, so should be encouraged, not chastised
4. There are numerous chronic illnesses in the modern world that doctors don't have answers for 
5. Grief has no timeline and is a very long and hard journey for those who grieve
6. There are many whose lives have been a struggle all their lives – like those with Autism
7. You and I have the power to make their day better by kind and gentle words

What NOT to do:

1. Assume that it's sin or a lack on their part why the suffering goes on
2. Ignore their pain and pretend it doesn't exist
3. Tell them what you think God has revealed as truth, unless the words encourage them
4. Try to fix them or make them think more positively
5. Assume what worked for you will work for them. Their journey is different.
6. Ask them to move on from their grief or pain
7. Suggest various cures unless they ask for that kind of help 

What we can do to bless them:

1. Trust that they are doing all they can, unless proven otherwise
2. See life from their perspective – do try to put yourself in their shoes
3. Listen more than speak or make assumptions
4. Ask them 'How can I support you better?'
5. Ask 'How can I pray for you?'
6. Simply be there as part of their cheering squad!
7. Be gentle. Be kind.

Kindness is underrated, don't you think? Please be kind. A special THANK YOU to many who've blessed me immeasurably during my struggles. I'm deeply grateful to each of you. And to anyone who's suffering … I'm so very sorry. I do understand how hard life can be! I really do. I've been there. I feel your pain. Be assured that God sees you too. He understands. And He cares. Deeply. I'd love to pray for you, so please reach out. And hang in there, dear friend! Brighter days will come. Let's hold on to the hope that Jesus has given us. His light shines in the darkness. And the darkness will never snuff it out.

Rejoice with those who suffer, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 ESV

Bear each other's burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV

A soothing tongue (speaking words that build up and encourage) is a tree of life. Proverbs 15:4 (AMP)